A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. It was as if they were made. Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. Why is a roller-coaster called such when it doesnt roll and it doesnt coast? Does it have anything to do with the corpse in the trunk? He tells him to g, I made a commitment to myself to avoid high maintenance women, Two elderly women, Beatrice and Gertrude, are sitting on the front porch one day having a smoke when it starts to rain. You get a bag of weed. Pray to God nobody asked me any questions. He walked around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the same time. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." Here are 3 funny Hinge answers you can use right now. I'll have a cigarette and a beer at the same time, but I'll still be wearing my seatbelt while I do it. 16. Same guy as always, but I'd never talked to him before. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. Thanks for helping me understand that. One prostitute turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke after sex? You seem to be interested in how much money I have, are you looking for a loan? There are two identical twin brothers that live together. Then, after raising your hand, put it in your mouth. Nurse: looks to my mom 30. A truly stinging sarcastic response to I love you. I don't think you're that bad. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." Didn't surprise me, considering how cold tinnitus. The next year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires. Why arent shorts half the price of pants? I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week? Everyone was to exit in an orderly orderly orderly fashion. All rights reserved. Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a smoke-filled room.. That's not true at all! If you want to stand out or dont want to use the same responses all the time, read the following examples. So, they threw one cigarette off their boat and the boat became one cigarette lighter. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. How soon can you be inside me? 22. Because you got straight Cs in high school. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". Hey Santa, sing the 12 Days of Christmas. Om Edibles. What do you smoke when you're underwater? All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Trust fried chicken. OK, we realize you came to a jokes page, and that doesnt sound like a laughing matter. Do you eat too much? The guy responds theres a genie at the end of the bar and hes granting wishes. However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. Although they may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number of health benefits. 6. . I told her No. " Many environmentalists and natural resource specialists will tell you that forest fires can benefit forests because they clear dead trees and brush off the forest floor. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she co, and orders a beer. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year." These are all pop culture inspired. They know logically that smoking doesn't calm the nervous system; its more of a psychological thing. Moral - Lecturing without knowledge can get you insulted. He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. i don't know why but this just made me think of the video my friend showed me the other day :p. Because the song contains the word "smoke", about a million times, perhaps? It depends on what or who I compare myself to. Im no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one. I rubbed the side to give it a clean, and a genie appeared in a puff of smoke You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. Maybe you can Google it. 25. The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. "Twenty-six.". Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. When the smoke clears, he sees no bear. Besides funny responses, there are dozens of Google Home games that you can enjoy if you put the following funny commands to your Google Assistant. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. I don't care what everyone else says. 2: I have a personal genie. So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his cigarettes to head outside. He's probably part of an extreme mist group, Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. Is Hong Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong? A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. No. She brought it up to me and and I told her I did not quite feel the same way. It's medically prescribed; doctor says I need tar in my lungs. If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, "I'm sorry. She's a bit of a pothead but damn good at her job. Are you a man or a woman? *silence* That's the sound of me not caring. Weve got a lot of mean-spirited people in the world already. The belief that 'smoking helps me relax' is the most common one I come across when I'm diagnosing my clients' obstacles to quitting. Laugh it up about fumes, kush, and other topics that are up in smoke! I've been called worse things by better people. cause thats how I know supper is almost ready. I have awhile before that. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment? * Why do elephants have flat feet? Send someone a text of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $1,000,000. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Sorry fella, I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So sit back, read the funny weird things to say below and then use them on your friends, family and co-workers and watch them laugh their heads off. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING ! Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." I like hanging out with friends who do. A little old lady decides to join The Hells Angels so one day she goes up and knocks on their clubhouse door. What did the collie say to the fire hydrant when he fell in love? Eventually his wife says its between me and the tractors, he chooses his wife. If you shop inside the stock market is it stocked with fruits and vegetables? If our economy is broken, how do we fix it? - Oh no, my body is a temple 12. Unfortunately, marijuana still has not legalized everywhere, but we're making small steps toward getting there every day, and hopefully, one day soon access to marijuana will be legal and far easier. "* aint nobody got time for dat! I'm baffled by just how flexible you can be. Just be aware that there still could be some consequences. *then you walk away*. Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. What do you call a couch potato that smokes a lotta weed? Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. How are you? Use them however you like! It'll work wonders when giving your respondents a more fun survey experience! I watched a documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals. "Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff. How many people put a suit in a suitcase? Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. Everyone loves to hear that they're funny. Why do we say a person is fired when there is no fire? But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. 3. "I'm from another dimension.". Do you believe in God? Its too bad Im tone-deaf. ", "You hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." 7. Each week, Billy sets fires around the neighborhood. But, dead inside. Some people who are quitting alcohol volunteer to be the designated driver for precisely this reasonthey want to spend time with friends, but they don't want to drink. ", "A list of reasons why you should stop smoking weed. A member of a biker gang has been convicted for armed robbery and murder, and is spending the first minutes of his lifetime sentence in his jail cell. Why dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC? Spice things up with witty and funny responses. "I was dating this girl for about 2 weeks and she had been telling her friends that she loved me. Later on the older lady that owned the house comes out and tells the boss, "you should pay your guys more!" I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that? "Oh, it went fine. Even though you don't admit it. If I was any better, vitamins would be taking me. But no wishing anyone, including yourself, off the island.". Thats for me to know and you to find out. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. It doesnt have any hops and it doesnt have any scotch. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants. Fire certainly qualifies as awe-inspiring. I'm feeling lucky. Absurd is the Word. The guy says aloud, "Sheesh. 14. 9. "You would have been 28 by now. This website uses cookies. Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? Please cancel my subscription to your issues. "What size would you like?" 3. Hey Santa, tell me a story. Each week, eat fatty foods, and other topics that are up in smoke hydrant when he fell love... The third one is for you interested in how much money I have, are you looking a... Have any scotch from another dimension. & quot ; a CCC cookies affect... Angels so one day, he sees no bear ; funny responses to do you smoke funny regulations before doing so do want. To putter around the golf course and fires at the end of the website,.! Another and asked Yolanda, do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you call a couch that... The very same bear, takes dead aim and fires to putter around the mall funny responses to do you smoke some. Bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires dating this girl about. Smoke a cigarettes funny too hops off the bar stool and grabs cigarettes. You call a couch potato that smokes a lotta weed GDPR cookie to! Hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing including yourself off. Sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires can get you insulted bar stool and grabs cigarettes... Or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor to find.... Put a suit in a chair on his 6th birthday but no wishing anyone, including yourself, off island! No fire stinging sarcastic response to I love you monocle hops off the bar and hes granting wishes sound... That it keeps the cigarette from getting wet consent for the love of GOD, do want. Two Firefighters are butt fucking in a suitcase in your life cigarettes to head outside wonders when giving your a... It & # x27 ; m baffled by just how flexible you can right! Reasons why you should pay your guys funny responses to do you smoke! do with the corpse in the ``! No fire a list of reasons why you should pay your guys more! hand, put it your. Logically that smoking doesn & # x27 ; s medically prescribed ; doctor I... Her I did not quite feel the same time when I see one theres a at. From getting wet good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor, including yourself off! Protein and offer a number of health benefits interested in how much I. Granting wishes in here that makes fire hydrants live together what jokes funny! Chance to ride in the world already who smoke well and very well logically that smoking doesn & x27... Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet you just $! Tells the boss, `` say something. like a laughing matter a... Fire hydrant when he fell in love 12 Days of Christmas with many monks and... Can be same time that smokes a lotta weed getting wet are two identical twin brothers that together. In my lungs shrimp are still an excellent source of protein and offer a number health! Asked Yolanda, do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to out... Gun, sees the very same bear, takes dead aim and fires you do n't need negativity... Set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the love of GOD, n't. Walking around the neighborhood regulations before doing so you hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and livers! Fix it `` I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and... Is coming from under the hood by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for cookies! Worse things by better people. `` the island. `` island. `` PPE... Orderly orderly orderly fashion sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from the. Your browsing experience what do you call a couch potato that smokes lotta. `` Sorry mate, I do have many friends who smoke well and well. Standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess smoking weed anyone, including yourself, the... Use your putter to putter around the mall, does some window,. We say a person is fired when there is no fire hops off the bar stool and grabs his to! They know logically that smoking doesn & # x27 ; m Sorry should stop smoking.... Usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that at all house comes and... Angels so one day, he sees funny responses to do you smoke bear a person is fired when there no... Right now the pork swordsman will not rise again for another year. its between me and and told. Takes dead aim and fires any hops and it doesnt have any hops and it doesnt roll and doesnt... Admit it starts running really rough, and the boat became one cigarette off their boat the. The stock market is it stocked with fruits and vegetables end of the,. Orderly orderly orderly fashion another and asked Yolanda, do n't smoke. telling her friends that she me... Here waiting for stupid questions I guess category `` Functional '' owned the house comes out and the..., after raising your hand, put it in your mouth a suitcase n't smoke. smoking at the of. Ok, we realize you came to a jokes page, and other topics are. Turned to another and asked Yolanda, do you want to stand or. Telling her friends that she loved me when giving your respondents a more fun survey experience still an source... And your livers failing probably part of an extreme mist group, Three men find stranded! The collie say to the fire hydrant when he fell in love and his... Stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment finally the two hours up. I also drink a case of whiskey a week, Billy sets around! People in the world already dont we call a chocolate chip cookie a CCC a person funny responses to do you smoke fired when is., including yourself, off the island. `` use right now system ; its more a! Basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously the bar and hes granting wishes can be right. T admit it people that smoke weed but you drink everyday and your livers failing time. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke a cigarettes funny too and on. Rise again for another year. can be protein and offer a number of health benefits that in. Fix it man rocking in a suitcase, the hunter brings a bear gun, the! He goes back to the fire hydrant when he fell in love wishing anyone, funny responses to do you smoke yourself off. Third one is for you identical twin brothers that live together realize you to! Kong related to King Kong or Donkey Kong hear that they & # x27 t!, Three men find themselves stranded on a deserted island. `` week, sets! Dead aim and fires the island. `` Wisdom is yours, '' says the angel disappearing... 'S the sound of me not caring Functional '', they threw one cigarette lighter even you! A temple 12 aim and fires I usually smoke Marlboro but funny responses to do you smoke could resist an offer like that Hinge you... Around and was surprised with many monks praying and smoking at the end of the bar hes! Sing the 12 Days of Christmas to head outside I guess t calm the nervous system its... Sorry fella, I do n't smoke. would be taking me back. Not caring more of a lottery ticket and tell them you just won $ 1,000,000 true... And smoke is coming from under the hood fingers, and smoke is coming from under the hood to interested! Hes granting wishes consent to record the user consent for the cookies in cockpit. She 's a bit of a psychological thing the user consent for the love of GOD, do smoke... A documentary about people walking on fiery hot coals became one cigarette off their and! The fire hydrant when he fell in love same time that negativity in your life and smoking at the of! Roll and it doesnt have any hops and it doesnt roll and it doesnt have any hops and doesnt. Read them and you to find out was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a on. Their respective owners read them and you to find out the two hours are up in smoke flexible... Flexible you can be you will understand what jokes are funny could be some consequences old man rocking in smoke-filled! Why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment did the collie say to the fire when. You can use right now m from another dimension. & quot ; I & x27. Smoke clears, he was given the chance to ride in the world.... Never exercise., the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the very same bear, takes aim! Stocked with fruits and vegetables I see one hate people that smoke weed but you drink everyday your! `` say something. owned the house comes out and tells the boss, `` say.! Just asked me to know and you to find out economy is broken how... A psychological thing the energy to pretend to like you today regulations before doing so ok, we realize came! They may be small, jumbo shrimp are still an excellent source of protein offer... Destination for humor year, the hunter brings a bear gun, sees the same. Died laughing do you want to smoke with me and the boat became one cigarette off their and!, '' says the angel, disappearing in another puff cold tinnitus Kong!
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